That awkward moment when people finally notice at work…
"Do you ever eat lunch?"
I BROUGHT SALAD !!!!
Alright. I have done some thinking… I know what my problem is, and now I just need to address it. It’s like what I teach my kids everyday, how can you improve when I tell you what you are doing wrong yet you DON’T correct the errors?
I don’t take proper care of myself.
There… I said it. I know I don’t. But if I made more of an effort in that department… maybe I would be better all around.
The reason I binge eat on bad food all day is because I never bring my own food to school to 1. fill me up on and 2. draw me away from all the junk in the office. I have this mentality everyday that I can starve myself again, like I used to, so I don’t bring food in…. THEN, as the day progresses, obviously I get hungry because I am a human being - surprise - and the only thing for me to eat, really, are the chocolate cookies and cakes lying around the office…. MEANWHILE, had I brought an apple and salad or healthy lunch item, I would want to eat that instead… I would be filling my body with healthy calories and nutrition… and it would make life grand! I would consume LESS calories that way… I don’t get why I can’t think that way….
I’m currently eating BareNaked Noodles. They were featured on Dragon’s Den and I found them in my health food store :) they are super yum!
SO here’s to trying to fuel my body with good foods… because ultimately THAT will help me shed the extra weight I put on because of all the junk… truth be told, I lost some weight when I ate a HEALTHY 1,200 cals a day back in January! So here’s to that…
Fuck off Ana I fucking hate you, you bitch.
There is nothing more…
There is nothing more I want right now, than to turn the tap on, allow the water to fill my tub and drown… until my pathetic fat excuse of a human body ceases to make me feel like a worthless waste of breathing space. Why is the voice so loud. Why am I so fat. Why can’t I stop and go back to starving? I did it once. I’ve read 115 on the scale before. Why does my greedy, disgusting body need to binge all the damn time. Why can’t I look at sweets and say no? I can’t believe this, I re-downloaded myfitnesspal and it really was working all day, helping me keep track and then I have a binge fest because it’s late at night and I’m stress eating. Say no you fucking disgusting pig. JUST SAY FUCKING NO. Don’t put it in your mouth. If I could throw up right now I would. But I can’t I have to sit here and accept all the calories I just ate and kiss goodbye the 1. whatever pounds I lost. I absolutely despise everything I am. Fuck off fat. UGH.